tuesday again

Page Seven                          (copying originals)

sehnen posted on Apr 22, 2008 | views: 226 | Tags: tuesdays in the blackworldx

tuesday 22 april 2008   greenfield

Forgive, forgive. Don’t put out negative energy. The people who hurt you have problems too. Well, if you like this kind of thinking, you’d better get out of this blog. It’s Tuesday again, and my life was destroyed six weeks ago today, and I’m monumentally angry at every single person that participated in it.

Dogs pass me constantly on the streets. Dogs with their humans. Dogs who haven’t been torn away from everything they knew and from the person they love. I turn my face away, I swear, I hurry by. Birds yak at me from trees and buildings, and I think of my own three stolen birds, and I tell the wild birds to shut the hell up. Cats are everywhere. Cats that look something like the nine cats stolen from me. I run from them. If they get too close, I stamp my foot. I’ve loved all animals all my life, for 55 years, but that’s over now, at least for a while.

I hang around in eating places, writing a collection of poems about my animals and what was done to us. Here’s number 8, and this one’s for the bastards at the department of mental health, and their cronies at community support services (greenfield, ma):

Number 8


                             Remember me.
                             In the dense fog of your buttocks-brains,
                             remember me.
                             My name is enfiled by you,
                             and the day I was born.
                             (Who will tell you the day I die?)


                                                 Remember this:
                                                 I told you I would bleed.
                                                 I told you where my breath was,
                                                 where my beating heart lived,
                                                 what love it was that held me.
                             I asked you
                             not to leave me naked.
                             In the dense smoke
                             of my death fire,
                             remember what you did.


Where are you, my fourteen friends, my family? Three at least are killed. The rest of you? I love you as big as the sky.


Update 18 May 2009: Yes, where are you? Are any of you still alive, belonging to strangers? Why couldn’t I even ever be told what became of you, and whose cruelty is that? The DMH’s, to be sure, and certain people in Turners. I have always been rather suspicious that Matthew knew, and knows, exactly what happened to my animals, and would not give me one word, this man who supposedly loved me. I asked him on May 3rd, a couple of weeks ago, if he had been the one who decided to take my animals away and put me on the street. In one of his phony voices he whined (he often whines) No, no that was … and then he trailed off into nonsense. I don’t think I believe that he knows nothing about them.

Meanwhile, no one has proven to me that Matthew isn’t what I know he is.  I saw and heard too many things from him that were serious and convincing, and also very cloak-and-dagger. But if there is proof out there that he’s only been lying to me about my life, then I want that proof. If they were lies, they cost me a great deal and hurt me deeply, including the wasted months waiting for him and his people to locate me somewhere.


read…   Judahblog…   Kaikenlainen



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