poemizing, sadly

Page Twelve                    (original from soulcast)

sehnen posted on Apr 22, 2008 | views: 212 | Tags: poemizingx

Still, still and again tuesday 22nd april 2008      greenfield

Well, how about one more poem, what the hell. This one’s for one of the three cats that I know have been killed. He was 12 years old (just had his birthday in January), almost entirely black, and he was the son and grandson and brother and cousin and nephew of other cats I had. His name was Ziidjian.

Number 9


  Here is one stolen soul:
  My panther.
  Four weeks dead today.
  Three days ago
  I found the spot
  where I found your name
  (long gone)
  long ago on a nameless
  This pen isn’t large enough
   for the lack of you,
   for the story of you,
  or for the lighted years of you.
                          Your name still lives on my tongue.
                          I kiss you in the black
                          panther night.

I’m sick today, and really tired. Just had to take a little bit more immune suppressant, a little more aspirin. It gets worse the longer I live without my life, without what was my family. It’s six weeks today, but feels like six months.

Update 19 May 2009, Greenfield: How it tears at my heart to remember writing these poems, writing them before I’d ever been told anything about the mob and the feds, believing the DMH was the bureaucracy that had destroyed me. Writing these poems in the restaurants of Main Street in Greenfield, the health food store mostly, and Bart’s Cafe, and Cafe Koko, which is gone and has been replaced by Cafe Siren. Writing them with great pain and grief, but still also with my denial and my hope. I began posting the whole collection, called Naked In Cold Space, on a different blog, but never got all the way to the end. They are all written in a little notebook that is now, I believe, in a former friend’s barn. Will I ever see those poems again?


read…   Stolen stars…    Spite and malice

~~~ website  ~~~~~  Shadowpoems  ~~~~~~~~~~~

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