lice, everywhere I go

 

 

sehnen posted on May 13, 2008 | views: 69 | Tags: pestsx

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tuesday 13 may 2008     greenfield

 

 

For certain people I can’t get rid of, no matter how I try (they’re people in the real world, not on the internet): Haut ab. I’ve had a lot more than enough.

So I, the failure mommy, lived for my family. Even though I couldn’t save them, I lived for them, especially during the eleven years after my human family imploded. Now everything is gone. The last two lost for good tomorrow. Mandy and Judah. I love you as big as the sky, but I failed yet again.

Update 25 June 2009:   The reason I began this post by telling people to go away. It was this: in my first few days in greefield after the sheriff came, I noticed several men on main street who were always where I was, almost always begging me for something, and who were pretending to be drunk or crazy and they were not. I could see clear, sober intelligence in their eyes, and that was one odd thing. The other odd thing was that they were around me all the time, far more than the odds of coincidence would dictate. And the third odd thing is that they were being allowed to beg on main street, right in front of fairly snooty shops, which I had never seen allowed in nearly 22 years. And lots of other people I talked to who had lived in greenfield a long time hadn’t ever seen it either. I came to believe that these men (and they are still here) must watching me for the DMH, whom I had told that I would die of grief if I lost all the animals. I thought these men were trying to prevent a suicide, and it was all so stupid. They couldn’t stop me if I really wanted to kill myself. And where would the DMH get the money to hire these people for one depressed client? It never made much sense, but these men were so clearly and unquestionably focused on me, that for a long time the DMH was the only explanation I could come up with, weak as it was. Matthew was one of these men, one whose act didn’t fool me, whose eyes told me that he was perfectly fine: no drunk, no crazy.

I am still, and always, the failure mommy.

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(dora maar art at www.signals.com)

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all photos, graphics, poems and text copyright 2008-2011 by anne nakis, unless otherwise stated. all rights reserved. 

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