This and that and song

Page Seventy-four

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sehnen posted on Jun 26, 2008 | views: 61 | Tags: time has no regardx

thurs 26 june 2008   Greenfield

 Oh, a little of this and a little of that today. Whatever comes into my head.

Let’s see… last Thursday and Friday two big, important? men were brought to public places to have a gawk at me. I can’t say much more about them, as I have no idea who they were. Never seen them before. Christ, I should be charging money for all this damned public gawking and testing of me that’s been going on. In some ways, among certain people, I have become a perverse kind of celebrity in turners and greenfield. On one level it’s farcical. On another it’s sickening. One of them was in Bart’s Cafe in Greenfield, and the other was in the library in Turners Falls. And there was no doubt at all that these men were where they were in order to have a look at me. It wasn’t imagined, it wasn’t self-consciousness, it was unmitigated marching in, coming near to me and having a sustained and pointed gawk, and marching out again. What was it all about? I will never be told.


Here’s another song from the 90’s, the very first one I wrote in my three-year song-writing binge.



Oh low moon, all alone,
roll along solemn sky.
Solo moon, slow your song,
sing along silent sky.


Moon won’t sing, only cries,
shadows stole her will.
Sky rise in her eyes,
watch this moon stand still.


Lonely moon, lost your stars,
gone like leaves before the wind.
Silent sky, lift your eyes,
lull the cries of moaning moon.


Where her stars on this night,
why this moon alone,
mourning here stolen stars,
spirit lost and gone.


Solemn sky (songless moon)
sing or sigh (so low moon)
darkness shadows evening’s eyes
Silent sky (mourning moon)
lift your eyes (oh low moon)
lullaby the lonely moon,
lullaby the lonely moon.


If I do say so myself, this song, written in 1994, was a wee bit prophetic. Disastrously so.


What else… most of the biggest things in my life have been either ruined or brought about in a completely damaging way to me by other people, neurotypical people. As much as my raging immune system has contributed to wrecking things I wanted to do, and as much as Asperger’s has done so, neurotypicals have done so too. To a diabolical degree.


I’d like to recommend the following books on sociopathy. About once every 30 years, someone in amerika writes a good book on the subject. The next one’s due about 2034. I won’t see it. but I’m glad I saw these:

                              Hervey Bleckley THE MASK OF SANITY (ca.1945)

                              M. Scot Peck  THE PEOPLE OF THE LIE (ca.1975)

                              Martha Stout  THE SOCIOPATH NEXT DOOR (ca.2004)

They are all written by psychiatrists. Facts from them I still remember: worldwide, 4 out of every 100 people are sociopaths, and in the u.s., this ratio is on the rise. Also, most psychobabble boneheads don’t believe in sociopathy because it’s incurable and untreatable, and they don’t want to believe in something that their pills and their idiotic therapy sessions can’t fix.


Another message for the secret someone:

bill building, and me with the nails, but you didn’t know us yet. I couldn’t do very much, but I helped where I could.


Update 21 July 2009: The above song was after the death of one of my cats. I had lost one of my stars, but in the poetic license of the song I describe the moon as having lost all her stars. Now, as I said above, I sometimes see this song as eerily prophetic, but then at other times it’s a bitter coincidence. I wrote about the moon losing all her stars, no longer wanting to sing, her spirit gone, and 14 years later, it happens to me. Did the mind got a foreboding of where things were heading? Anyway, I am now that creature that I called the moon in the song. Lost, spiritless, crying, all stars gone, lonelier than I have ever been.

On the day I first wrote this post, I had only known for three days that something criminal was going on in my life, but I didn’t yet know what.

 ~~~~~~~~  website  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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