taim an oiche

Page Eighty …………   (copying the originals again)                                                                          

sehnen   posted Jul 08, 2008 / views 55 / Tags: hatred is a place

Greenfield, a Tuesday

Eighteen weeks today since the sheriff’s goon. Eighteen weeks and counting. I wonder how long that count will go on, until I have an apartment again. How long will I let it. I’m the only one who can end the counting. I’ve been told that there are others who would like to, but if Matthew has just recently (six days ago) told me something that is in fact truth, those people have thus far not ended my counting for me.

What is it like to live with the information Matthew gave me only six days ago? Many, I suppose, would have decided he was lying. I did not. I believed him based on the things I felt coming from him when he said the words; subliminal communication is not relegated strictly to animals. And I believed him in the context of other things that have been going on since that tenant that I will now call the mafia-chick moved into my building. What is it like to hear said to you something that you’ve only ever heard said in Hollywood movies, something that never should have touched your life, because you’re not a criminal of any kind, and you don’t hang with criminals. It is both real (because I believe him) and unreal (because it never should have happened to someone like me). It’s scary to a certain degree, but at not as big a degree as you might think. The DMH killed me in every way that matters when they sat back and let my life and love be taken from me. After that, terminal illnesses, accidents, bullets, are pretty much anti-climactic. And it’s infuriating, above all else. Because if this protection from this malice is the truth, then why this way. Why undercover. Why no people with ID’s coming to my door (when I still had one) and informing me in an open way about what was going on. Why did I not deserve that dignity. One of the questions I need to ask Matthew in the coming days.

And other questions: how many are working with you, and where do they come from, and how long will this last.

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all photos, graphics, poems and text copyright 2008-2011 by anne nakis, unless otherwise stated. all rights reserved.

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