the bills and their elephants

sehnen  posted o Au 01, 2008 /views 61/ Tags: this is the way the world ends

Friday 1 August 2008….   Greenfield

small i’s today, to underscore the fact that in the minds of a whole lot of swine, i am not a human being. in fact, i may have been demoted from worm to amoeba.

still sick, still tired, still (i hope) accumulating a critical volume of death-energy. still without an apartment, renting a bedroom. still autistic. imagine that. it doesn’t just go away because a herd of neurotypicals want it to. raging immune system doesn’t just go away, either.

and the neurotypicals won’ just go away. they’re still here. still ill-mannered, insensitive, cold, full of agendas, shallow, controlling, boring. and those who were beautiful and sincere, my animals, are still and forever gone.

and i’m still being repeatedly interfered with by people and events connected with Matthew and his ilk, and crime-chick and her ilk, and if i told to you these events and people, you would be determined not to believe me. i really despise not being believed, because  i neither invent nor imagine these true but unbelievable goings-on. is it really so hard to grasp the reasons i’m so misanthropic, that i dislike the human species so much?

carl jung said: show me a sane man, and i’ll cure him for you. there are kinds of “sanity,” or what’s accepted as that, that are very deranged indeed. and there are kinds of “craziness,” of not matching some norm invented by the writer of a textbook, that are very, very sane.

hatred is greenfield. hatred is turners falls. hell is other people, and the hollow men run everything. including me.

Update 4 August 2009: The hollowness is in just about all humans, to me. Certainly in the whole cast of characters who were responsible for my life being stolen from me. Certainly in the gaggle that gathers around Matthew, and in the man himself. People are so full of non-essential flotsam, and of casual cruelty. They are so hollow of richness, depth, sincerity.

The hollow men belongs to T.S. Eliot, and hell is other people belongs to J.P. Sartre. And the bills? I already told you that, a few posts back. All law enforcement drones, from the cop on the beat on up to the federal ones, are bills to me. Ego-driven, amoral, cowardly in anything that really counts, and anti-intellectual.

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