failure mommy

Page Twenty-seven               (yes, a copy)                        

sehnen posted on May 10, 2008 | views: 85 | Tags: stupid mommyx

saturday 10 may 2008   greenfield

Tomorrow is going to be the hardest mother’s day in all the years since I gave birth in 1979. That child (the human one) stopped remembering mother’s day in 1998, so in all those years there’s been no mother’s day other than what I did with my animal children…  and the DMH rid me of all 14 of them in one day. I’d buy flowers and cook something and take pictures of them. light candles, celebrate the children who did love me. Now they’re gone. Every single mother’s day of my 55 years I’ve had animals around me in the house. This is the first animal-less mother’s day ever. May the ocean’s dogs three vicious women who destroyed my mother’s days.

(as I’ve said before about elves, I have nothing against sock monkeys. I like them. but social workers aren’t supposed to be looking or acting like confused monkeys. these are at www.whatonearthcatalog.com)

Here’s an example of the way ShirleyTemple (DMH) and Cry Baby, aka Silly Moron (CSS) jerked me around for months:

1. On Tuesday 12 Feb 08, Shirley Temple told me that CSS would pay for my storage unit “for as long as you’re homeless.” Two days later, Cry Baby says: “No, we pay only the first month. After that you have to pay it.”

2. On Wednesday 20 Feb Shirley Temple tells me they’re “pretty sure” they have an apartment for me on March 1, and since I have to be out on Feb 29, that would mean that the animals would need foster care for only one night, and I would have to be homeless for only one night. The VERY NEXT DAY, Cry Baby says “There is no apartment, and I don’t know why (Shirley Temple) would tell you that.”

Now, you should know that these two women (remember my “sisters?”) work in the same building, attend meetings together at least once a week, and service the same clients, since the one agency pays the other one to do certain jobs for us poor mental freaks. Under those thick-as-thieves circumstances, wouldn’t you think these two women could give me identical information? And these are not the only two times such a thing happened.

The failure mommy, who couldn’t protect her children. The incompetent mommy, who has a raging immune system and couldn’t buy us the safety and privacy of a house. The stupid mommy who put her hope and trust into the likes of Shirley Temple and Cry Baby. These are the things I am on mother’s day tomorrow. And the  mommy carrying the worst trauma, the worst broken heart of her trauma-filled life.

Update 5 June 2009:   Even a year later, there is no other way to slice it. With or without interference from matthew lacoy and his colleagues, the DMH and the CSS treated me with  a distinct lack of caring about my mental health and how it would be affected by the loss of the animals; they treated me with incompetence at best and deceit at worst. I haven’t even listed in this journal all of the examples of this incompetence and deceit. I’ll say again in all sincerity words that I said last year: If anyone you care about wants to become a client of the DMH, please talk them out of it. Please find other agencies and other ways to get them help. The DMH is a state bureaucracy that does not by a long way hire the cream of the social service crop, and they do not think outside the box, and they want all clients to be helped by plugging them into the same pigeon holes. I cannot criticize them enough, and I cannot forgive myself for being foolish enough to believe in them.

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read…     Being toward death…   Spite and malice

 

 

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all photos, graphics, poems and text copyright 2008-2011 by anne nakis, unless otherwise stated. all rights reserved.

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they’re gone

Twenty-two

sehnen posted on May 05, 2008 | views: 69 | Tags: failingx

still, still monday 5 may 2008…     turners fails

It’s a failure Mommy who can’t protect her children. It’s an incompetent Mommy who has such a raging immune system that she can’t work and buy a house in which to keep her family safe. It’s a stupid Mommy who trusts the wrong people. It’s a chicken Mommy who is so afraid of things that other people do all the time, that she couldn’t be tougher against the world of humans and maybe save her family. Whatever else I am, and I am some very good things, in my own opinion, I am also a failure, and incompetent, and stupid about people, and a person with a whole lot of fears about other people.                                                                          

 

Update 30 May 2009: Oh, they’re gone. It hurts so much, I can’t desribe it. My failure to be able to make it with people. My failure to be able to butter up the landlady, even after her erratic emotions and prodigious lies had come to frighten me. My failure to get the idea of pills: maybe the pills I’m taking now would have helped me bear up better in an emotionally charged situation. I really fall apart in situations like that. My failure to hang on to the letter of complaint I wrote about the mafia-chick, instead of taking it to the landlady. If I’d done any of these things differently, there might not have been an eviction, and I might still be living with my family now. But on the other side, if the landlady disliked me so much, why couldn’t she just have ignored me and collected my rent? No, she had to be so vicious as to destroy me. People who choose viciousness and cruelty always could make a different choice. They choose aggression because they enjoy it, it gives them a feeling of power. And if there’s one thing my ex-landlady loves, it’s power.

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(r.monti sculpture at www.toscano.com)

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read…   Extempoaneana…  Kaikenlainen

 

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all photos, graphics, poems and text copyright 2008-2011 by anne nakis, unless otherwise stated. all rights reserved.